Yesterday, I had a difficult conversation with the father. I told him that I didn't think him and I would work together as a couple. I don't want us to marry just for the kid and I don't think forcing a relationship for the child is even a good idea. I was reading online that studies show that children who witness a messy divorce are more likely to have emotional instabilities than those who don't.
He said that he wouldn't be able to let go of us as a couple, unless I gave him a good reason why it wouldn't work. After numerous attempts in telling him that we simply weren't happy together and to "give it up," he still persisted. I finally revealed the truth: that I'm in love with somebody else. If I let this person go to be with someone I'm not equally happy with, I know I'll always think about him and regret it.
His reaction was annoyed, at best, but I could tell he was very hurt. He knows the man I have feelings for and happens to hate him. He said that he's not happy about sharing his child with "the reason it didn't work between me and him." He said that if anything between him and I is dead and buried, then its this other man who holds the shovel.
The hardest part in all this is that the father is from California, and I'm from Ontario, Canada (the other side of the continent.) If I don't marry the father, this may mean that he will live far away from his child for potentially their whole life. I feel like I'm robbing him and my child of something and that'll lead to a lot of hurt in the long run. But on the other hand, I don't think the Dad is the one for me and believe I know who is. Is compromising my happiness for the sake of the kid a good idea? Will my child miss out on a relationship with their Dad because of me? This is all almost too painful for me to bear.
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