I'm 23 weeks along now (although this picture shows me at 17 weeks) and physically feeling great. This has been a physical complication-free pregnancy, although emotional is another story. Aside from some back pain I had for a week, everything has been normal. The baby's due date one week earlier than originally estimated according to the date of my last period, which must mean she's growing at a very decent pace.
Things between me and the father are still awkward; he seems to have more or less accepted that I do not want to marry him, despite the baby coming. Forcing a relationship that wasn't meant to be for the sake of kids is a poor decision; I know from experience because this is what my own parents did for years. Despite him being from California, and me being from Ontario, Canada, I hope with every molecule of my body that he can still be a big part of her life and that neither of them misses out on having a relationship. My goal never was, and never will be to cut him out. But I can't marry him either.
I come into contact with quite a few other pregnant woman from attending events geared at moms. I feel so different being in the situation I'm in; 25, living at home with my mom, distant father, no job, etc. I try not to make these circumstances apparent when I talk to people, becuase I'm so ashamed. A big part of me wants to move into my own place, but since I can't work, I know I won't be able to afford it. There's no point looking for a job now that the baby will be here in a few months. I need to put the baby first before else, put my pride aside and do what will be best for the long run. In the mean time, I try to follow the steps I outlined below to save money or at least break even while I'm at home.
My goal for the next few years? Pay off a portion of my student debt (I have a lot of it) start a career, rent my own place because I don't want to live at home for years on end, and of course be a great mom.
Thanks to anyone for cheering me on, I need it!
I just wanted to say "Hi" and wish you the best of luck! From your posts, you sound to me like you will be an amazing mommy!
ReplyDeleteI found you by googling daughters who don't feel close to their mothers (looking for the article Cosmo posted in february, no luck finding it!) and came across your blog that way.
My mom and I do not get along at all either and I would get beat and yelled at for the strangest things. I am changing that cycle with my second daughter (I lost my first to a heart defect). I'm trying my hardest to raise her peacefully and with lots of love! :)
Thanks so much!! I actually read that article in Cosmo, and can probably email it to you if you're still interested. It was only a one pager but I really related to it, I'm sure you would too. Despite how difficult my mom has been in the past, she's actually been very helpful/supportive during this time, although my dream is to be able to move out and live on my own asap. I was reading your blog and am so sorry about Hailey. Hailey was actually one of the names I was considering for my daughter. But it sounds like you've been very strong, and you have a beautiful family. <3
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