My goals for the future

I'm 23 weeks along now (although this picture shows me at 17 weeks) and physically feeling great. This has been a physical complication-free pregnancy, although emotional is another story. Aside from some back pain I had for a week, everything has been normal. The baby's due date one week earlier than originally estimated according to the date of my last period, which must mean she's growing at a very decent pace.

Things between me and the father are still awkward; he seems to have more or less accepted that I do not want to marry him, despite the baby coming. Forcing a relationship that wasn't meant to be for the sake of kids is a poor decision; I know from experience because this is what my own parents did for years. Despite him being from California, and me being from Ontario, Canada, I hope with every molecule of my body that he can still be a big part of her life and that neither of them misses out on having a relationship. My goal never was, and never will be to cut him out. But I can't marry him either.

I come into contact with quite a few other pregnant woman from attending events geared at moms. I feel so different being in the situation I'm in; 25, living at home with my mom, distant father, no job, etc. I try not to make these circumstances apparent when I talk to people, becuase I'm so ashamed. A big part of me wants to move into my own place, but since I can't work, I know I won't be able to afford it. There's no point looking for a job now that the baby will be here in a few months. I need to put the baby first before else, put my pride aside and do what will be best for the long run. In the mean time, I try to follow the steps I outlined below to save money or at least break even while I'm at home.

My goal for the next few years? Pay off a portion of my student debt (I have a lot of it) start a career, rent my own place because I don't want to live at home for years on end, and of course be a great mom.

Thanks to anyone for cheering me on, I need it!