As you may have read from an earlier post, I come from a less than ideal home environment - alcoholic father I no longer speak to, over-emotional mother with psychological problems; there was a lot of fighting, yelling, name-calling, and abuse.
The house I'm living in now is the same house I grew up in. Above is a picture of me in front of it years ago. Its just me, my mom and brother there now. I'm very fortunate that my mom has been nothing but supportive since I told her I was pregnant. She lets me live at home rent-free, and I don't usually pay for groceries either. She has already bought me numerous baby items and is planning a baby shower for me. My grandparents have been very helpful too; they gave me $1,000 to put towards a car, and also bought me a crib for $300. I am very lucky to have a family that's helping so much.
I know I should be happy and maybe feeling this way is selfish of me, but... it I have to admit it hurts my pride that I need to accept all this help from my family. As amazing as they've been, I wish more than anything that I could afford to live on my own and afford everything I needed by myself. Sometimes I feel like charity case. Like a knocked up, young teen mom who can hardly support herself. Living at home depresses me because 1) I have terrible memories in this house, 2) it doesn't feel like "home" and 3) I want to live on my own again so badly. When the father comes in August to be there for the birth, it'll be so awkward because my whole family will be eying him up and down. I wish we would have some privacy. And when the baby comes, I want to feel like I can look after her on my own, by myself - not have my mom tell me what to do all the time.
At times I feel like getting pregnant has been a huge disaster. :(
I'm doing everything now to keep my head over the water so that I can be self-sufficient as soon as possible. I have about $4,000 in savings (I just bought a vehicle) and will try as hard as possible to make as much money from selling items to mystery shopping until the baby's born. After she's here, I will apply for every government benefit that I'm entitled to and just try to save. I have a very large student loan, but I've been granted an interest-free break from paying it.
Sigh. Sometimes I wonder when life will be 'ok' again.
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